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My husband does not understand me

topic posted Sun, September 2, 2007 - 9:37 PM by  Karen
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My husband is not willing to listen to me when I ask for help. He says "housework is for women only". I say "BULLSHIT!!". He is very messy and expects me to pick up after him when he makes a mess. I also have 3 kids who follow in his footsteps. I work outside the home as well.
Any advice? I'm ready to divorce him and leave the pig sty for him to clean. I think he basically has no respect for me.
Here's what I do: Pay the bills and keep track of finances, play taxi to the kids, mow the lawn, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, take out the trash, take care of the animals, I am the only one who disciplines the kids, plus I work 25 hours a week as a hairstylist. I am depressed and worn out both physically and mentally. Now here's what HE does: works 40 hours a week outside the home, sits, lays, eats and shops on the internet. I wish I had that lifestyle. We hardly talk to each other let alone get intimate. It sucks! What would you do?? Any advice is appreciated.
posted by:
Karen
Iowa
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  • Al
    Al
    offline 18

    Re: My husband does not understand me

    Fri, September 7, 2007 - 7:38 AM
    Prepare your divorce papers in secret. Have the movers come and pack your things and be gone before he gets home. Have the process server come and serve him the divorce papers 5 minutes after he gets home.

    Move to the Seattle, Washington area... there are lots of sexy guys here who have the money to support you in a style you wish to become accustom.... and all you'll have to do for them is be ready for sex 5 to 6 times a week. Granted some of them are a little kinky so don't plan on the missionary position as the only way.

    PS give away the lawn mower.
  • Re: My husband does not understand me

    Sat, September 22, 2007 - 6:25 PM
    People who say "Stay together for the kids" are DEAD wrong and never had parents who fought. I actually used to pray, as in "Now I lay me down to sleep..." when I was little that my parents would get divorced. They finally did, when I was 23. Now my inhuman monster of a mother is controlling a new man who buys her lots of stuff, and my wonderful, giving father is with the sweetest woman in the world and they have their little dream house on the lake. Everybody's happy. Particularly now that my brothers and I have finally disowned Mother after she finally went too far.

    My husband ignores me, but it's not entirely his fault. He's working on it, and he agreed to an open marriage, so maybe I can find someone who wants to listen on the side.
  • Re: My husband does not understand me

    Wed, February 6, 2008 - 2:03 PM
    I'm in a similar situation, I guess. I love my wife very much and, I'm sure as much as she is capable, she loves me back. However, we live about 10 miles from her family and nowhere near any of my family or friends. Unfortunately, she's seems to be unaware of the fact that someone in my situation can become very lonely. She simply thinks that her family can replace my friends and family. Additionally, her family is super involved in our life.....to the point where I'm getting the feeling that, maybe, my wife should have never gotten married. She's not capable of separating from her family enough to give her heart to a man.

    The thing that really gets me is I have given her EVERYTHING. We were 25 when we (unexpectedly and unmarried) had a baby. She decided to stay home (she decided with her mom....and told me after the decision was made). I make over 200k. I have given up everything,......and she's completely oblivious to the fact that I've made sacrifices and am very lonely.
  • Re: My husband does not understand me

    Sat, February 9, 2008 - 4:08 PM
    Feeling very alone and not knowing where to turn I typed in the "married and alone" phrase in google and ended up here. maybe Im not quite so alone.

    In reply to your post, Im the husband, who took on my wife's 2 children who I brought up for 9 years since they were toddlers - their fathers didnt want anything to do with them (lucky for the kids as they are low lifes), we have boy together who is very ill and is the light of my life. I work full time, bring her tea in bed every morning, go to work, I come home, cook almost everynight , clean, help as much as I can and she announces she isnt happy cos of money, sick child, her having kids so young, no career etc etc. Then last week announces she wants to have an affair, gets in touch with old boyfriends, moans about money when all of mine goes on the kids/house etc and she has thousands saved that shes not spent because I always paid.. Im slowly waking up to the fact I may have made one of the biggest mistakes in my life but my son is certainly the best thing despite his illness. Not an easy situation at all for me here but it puts many other things into perspective

    Anyways, karen, maybe you should say to him if things dont change you will leave and give him the opportunity to change things to what suits you and him (it has to work both ways) . You obviously love him but if he isnt willing to change then you may have no other choice but to divorce. A marriage has to work 2 ways not one. You know what you want, and whats fair, give him one chance to sort things out then if he doesnt then your choice is made..
  • Re: My husband does not understand me

    Wed, February 13, 2008 - 12:04 PM
    Have you ever gone on vacation without him and the kids? Sounds to me liek you might need one and he might need the wake up call. Go away for a week or two with or without his approval. Leave him to fend for himself. If you come home to the house in shambles...walk out and tell him you're not comign home until he gets his shit together. It's time to take control of your marriage, life and family. Be the mother bear you were made to be...not his doormat. I go through the same thing at home and I don't rest the battle until he learns to act like a grown man. We rarely have calm days when I have to remind himbut I will not be his doormat anymore. When you're tired of it you're just too damn tired to give in another day. Stand up woman!
    • Re: My husband does not understand me

      Sat, March 8, 2008 - 3:35 PM
      In AA they call it tough love. If you don't change, why should he. Sounds like you could live in Utah and be Morman. This is how most women are treated here. I think it is a result of the poligamy culture that was in prevalent here for so long. If you have several wives, they become property, a possession, a thing. Don't clean, cook, pick up, have sex, or do much more that what is absolutly necessary. When you are asked why, what tell him that the maid, cook, servant, waitress, busy boy, whore, all quit and you are the only one left. If he doesn't like it than he better pitch in. Life is a 24 hour job.
  • Jay
    Jay
    offline 0

    Re: My husband does not understand me

    Wed, December 15, 2010 - 5:51 AM
    Here is my story

    I think Marriage is one of the greatest things God has given us. I love being Married
    However in my situation, my Marriage TURNED IN TO ROOMMATES WHICH IS VERY DIFFICULT
    About 11 yrs ago my wife lost all interest in sex. At first we thought it would pass in a few weeks
    Well after months she went to a doctor, and the doctor said it would pass

    When our relationship starts getting too cold and we are about to drift apart completely we have sex
    I enjoy the sex, she acts like she enjoys it and says she enjoys it, but then does not want to have sex

    This confuses me, for I feel everybody wants to do what they enjoy
    We will always be together for I would never have a divorce

    But it is so hard for me to live a life with no love from a woman

    And the worst is Valentines Day and Christmas
    I would like to offer my support to anybody, and would very much like to flirt with any of the women

    But there is one rule
    I have decided I would never cheat on my wife, however since we are not loving each other, I have a very strong desire to Love a woman
    So Please. . . , no women from South Carolina

    I don't know about everybody else, but when I got married. I took a vow for better or worst till death do us part
    So divorce is not an option.

    However a separation may show them what they would be missing

    A marriage is an equal partnership
    you are both responsible for the bills and the care of the home

    If you have been doing all the housework, let him try it for a month

    or if he is not willing to do that

    you should go stay with somebody for a month and let him see what it would be like without you
  • Jay
    Jay
    offline 0

    Re: My husband does not understand me

    Wed, December 15, 2010 - 5:58 AM
    If he is not cheating on you or hitting you, I do not think you should divorce him

    But if you do separate from him you should check out the area around Charleston, SC
    Lots of men who have the money to take care of you and the Southern raising to know how to treat a Lady

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